captain tenille's Diaries
Print Story And then there were none.
By Captain Tenille (Tue Feb 07, 2012 at 03:46:10 PM EST) (all tags)
Unless another one pops up somewhere, there are no more surviving veterans of the First World War in the world as of this last Saturday.

(3 comments, 26 words in story) Full Story

Print Story In Victor We Trust
By Captain Tenille (Mon Aug 15, 2011 at 02:43:12 AM EST) hard working flatfish (all tags)
The laws of physics clearly state that a faster than light drive is impossible. Physicists have still not come up with an explanation why the Flatfish Drive is a working faster than light drive.

No one has any idea why flatfish are able to defy the laws of physics and propel a spacecraft faster than light. How and why it works are complete mysteries, but how you do it is quite simple. If you've ever been to the touch tank at the aquarium, you could run a Flatfish Drive. Somehow, reaching into the tank and tickling the flatfish a certain way will activate the drive, while massaging it and thinking about where you want to go will take you there. Technique's important, though; less skilled operators will still get you there and back, but it will take longer. The fact that anyone can do it saved many an expedition from disaster. One thing that is certain, however, is that the size of the flatfish is not significant. At one point halibut based Flatfish Drives were being developed, but that was stopped when it became clear that common flounders worked just as well and were easier to transport.
Sometimes that extra time matters. Once, most of the members of an expedition to Epsilon Eridani became grievously ill, including all the trained Flatfish Drive operators. A young ensign named Victor stepped up to the occasion and saved the rest of the crew by piloting the ship to safety. His methods were unorthodox, but they worked; he formed a closer bond with the flatfish in that tank than anyone ever had before and got the ship back to Alpha Base in forty five minutes, almost a day sooner than the next best time from that far away. Unlike everyone else, instead of putting his hands in the flatfish's tank, he put his *feet* in to tickle and massage the flatfish.
Once they reached Alpha Base and the sickened crew had been evacuated to quarantine, everyone was very interested in how young Victor had done this amazing thing. Victor didn't think he had done anything special. All he would say about the matter was "I am the master of my feet. I am the captain of my sole."

(8 comments, 383 words in story) Full Story

Print Story A Whiteboard Story
By Captain Tenille (Mon Mar 15, 2010 at 12:46:58 PM EST) whiteboards, seriously 2.5 years (all tags)

Around the time my son was born, I took a cue from my boss and picked up a whiteboard to write stuff on. It wasn't the biggest whiteboard ever because of the unusual shape of my office walls (joys of a early 1900s craftsman), but I figured it would work for what I needed. Bizarrely, though, I wrote on it once and was never able to erase it.

I couldn't figure out what I had done wrong; I had used the right markers, not a sharpie, but nothing would get the marker off the whiteboard. I never took the whiteboard down, but never wrote on it again, not wanting to make it worse. For about 2 and a half years, it stayed up there.

(9 comments, 258 words in story) Full Story

Print Story True Stories of the Witch House, vol. 2
Funny stuff
By Captain Tenille (Fri Sep 22, 2006 at 12:37:34 PM EST) witch house (all tags)
In today's installment of True Stories of the Witch House, we examine what happens when you have a band play in the upstairs bedroom, pumpkin decoration - with SCIENCE, concealment of indiscretions, and why you should insure that you get up good and early.

(2 comments, 794 words in story) Full Story

Print Story True Stories of the Witch House
Funny stuff
By Captain Tenille (Thu Sep 21, 2006 at 12:16:44 PM EST) roommates, punk house, witch house (all tags)
Some background:

The Witch House was one of the oldest punk houses in Olympia back when I lived in it, so called because back in the 80s, some witches lived there. Over the years, many people came and went. The most famous tenant was probably Kathleen Hanna (who had the room I had, by amazing coincidence) (I bought a couch from her when I moved in there and had it for years). People still live there, even though it should have been condemned years ago, but I'm not sure how punk it is now. It got remodeled a bit after I left, but when I lived there, no one had done anything to it for years. It fit the punk house bill to a 'T', complete with the landlord who was this fast talking old guy who wore a lot of gold and left his shirt unbuttoned enough so you could see his gray chest hair and gold chains.

A lot of stuff happened at that house, and I feel like I should share some of it with all of you. If I feel motivated enough, perhaps I'll continue relating stories about my time there. For now, though, a few starters:

(7 comments, 760 words in story) Full Story

Print Story Greetings from Las Vegas!
By Captain Tenille (Sun Jun 11, 2006 at 01:50:37 AM EST) motherfucking fucked up shit (all tags)
Hey you all. I haven't had much time to talk to you, but I just wanted to say hi, and share this little tidbit of info with you all.

I found out a little while ago that some 20 year old soldier was driving 75 miles an hour down the cross street by my house and plowed into my house, driving through my office and my daughter's bedroom. Fortunately, the wife and I were in Vegas and my daughter was at my folks, so we're OK. We got an early flight out to get home and survey the damage, so I'll be sure to keep you all posted.

(25 comments) Comments >>

Print Story So the Married Icon has a use.
By Captain Tenille (Tue Sep 06, 2005 at 07:09:37 AM EST) (all tags)
It's true: I've finally joined the ranks of the lawfully wedded, complete with handy ring, a crapload of presents, a house together, and a baby.

I suppose we already had the last two.

(17 comments, 77 words in story) Full Story

Print Story I Want to Be Like Everybody Else
By Captain Tenille (Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 07:09:21 AM EST) (all tags)
So I will also post genuine unretouched satellite photos of my commute for all of you to see.

(9 comments, 43 words in story) Full Story

Print Story Another email
By Captain Tenille (Sun Apr 10, 2005 at 05:03:42 PM EST) (all tags)
Got this one at help@k5. I don't really have much to add to it, so it's pasted below.

Subject: RE enterfornone aka Steven Peter Blunt Very Sad News

(15 comments, 273 words in story) Full Story

Print Story CT takes a Trip
By Captain Tenille (Wed Jul 28, 2004 at 06:48:43 AM EST) (all tags)
Tomorrow morning, for the first time in seven years, I'm stepping on a plane, and leaving Washington State for the fourth time in as many years (the other three were heading to Portland, OR, so they may not count).

Anyway, I'll be in lovely New England for about five days. I'm hoping I'll be able to make it down to Boston briefly at least one of them.

Pabst Blue Ribbon is available out there, right?

(20 comments, 91 words in story) Full Story

Print Story Is it me...
By Captain Tenille (Tue Jul 27, 2004 at 08:32:46 AM EST) (all tags)

(6 comments) Comments >>

Print Story Misery and Woe, and a Trip
By Captain Tenille (Wed Jul 21, 2004 at 06:45:14 AM EST) (all tags)
Blugh. There really should be some sort of caveman icon for what I'm about to discuss.

(2 comments, 332 words in story) Full Story

Print Story Do Yourself a Favor
By Captain Tenille (Thu Mar 18, 2004 at 04:58:12 AM EST) (all tags)
And go vote on the front page poll here. I'm rather proud, even though I didn't come up with all the answers myself. I did come up with the best one, though, which is probably the one you'll vote for.

(7 comments, 41 words in story) Full Story